tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3461918020713520686.post4885230943138683218..comments2024-02-14T07:06:17.621-08:00Comments on The Beauty of Eclecticism: Homeless 15: Terror by Night and DayJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18370649604625989367noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3461918020713520686.post-91094881662199263222014-05-30T12:56:23.217-07:002014-05-30T12:56:23.217-07:00This is an extremely powerful post. You have the m...This is an extremely powerful post. You have the makings for an incredible book here- fiction or non. <br /><br />I recall the first time I truly felt fear- not a minor scare, but the full on rush with chemical changes in the body triggering fight or flight. The very first time it happened I was nine. I froze and became useless. I told that story a few times to those who asked to hear it. Four years later I was writing it in a journal in English class and realized that I HATED IT. I changed that day. I can't say if the change was for the better. But I turned into someone who hates fear. (Not people who are afraid, not scary moments- but fear itself, especially if I might feel it.) The change made me into someone my age-peers could not understand. They debated over talking to the cute person, while I walked over and chatted as if it were the most normal thing in the world to do. I can't say that it felt good, or that it felt bad. I actually went through a strange period of not feeling. I don't recommend it. I miss it sometimes, but I wouldn't want to be in it again. <br /><br />I do understand why you would be afraid. And I understand the days that fear wins. I've had those days that fear wins, and I hate them. I loathe them. I detest them. Days when fear has kept me alive, and because I hate fear, I've stood on the edge of hating being kept alive by obeying fear. I've cracked under that pressure more than once, and paid too high a price each time. So the lesson there is that sometimes fear has a good point. (Doesn't mean I have to like it.)<br /><br />And, of course, people will tell you to go get help. And the people who are supposed to help want to pull for the other extreme- where you'd have to trust everyone until you have a reason not to. I don't know how people survive like that. Being afraid of everyone sounds exhausting, but you probably have a good reason for some of it (even if others can't get the logic). <br /><br />What matters is that you figure out how to live your own life. There's always something. Grab on to that. <br /><br />And remember that expecting people to leave does not require pushing them out the door so that your expectation will come true. That's an annoying habit of a friend of mine who reminds me very much of you (or the you in this post, anyway). You've got it more extreme than she does, but still, I've heard her go off on a similar tangent. We have a complex relationship, because she's afraid I'll leave, afraid of me (in a way you'd get and others do not), and yet feels safer around me because she knows I'm protective. <br /><br />Actually, that should make sense to people. It's the base for the second Terminator movie. In the first one, he's the bad guy who is to be feared. In the second, he's the one sent to protect the main character. He isn't LESS scary. (Until the goofy catch phrases kick in.) There's a worry that he'll leave. (But hey... "I'll be back.") So there you go. What you need is a Terminator. J Lenni Dornerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07961335286982498158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3461918020713520686.post-53810636005877634172014-05-13T17:43:10.330-07:002014-05-13T17:43:10.330-07:00I'm hopping over here from the Celebrate the S...I'm hopping over here from the Celebrate the Small Things bloghop...I want to congratulate you for your incredible amount of honesty in this post. You talk about being afraid of so much, but to put your feeling out there like this is very brave. God Bless you.<br />~KatieTheCyborgMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14566379902847952987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3461918020713520686.post-34669273004529051522014-05-01T21:53:20.083-07:002014-05-01T21:53:20.083-07:00I'm going to put this on my timeline...
Partly...I'm going to put this on my timeline...<br />Partly cause I'm proud of you for this.<br />Partly cause I identify so much with what you say here.<br />But honestly cause I just want people to Know what it cost us...Johnhttp://gidsnet.net/noreply@blogger.com