An Insecure Writer Keeps Writing

It's time once again for all of us insecure writers to band together and, through our solidarity, get some writing done. I must say, February was the most prolific writing month that I've had in years, and that is no exaggeration. I wrote an entire poetry chapbook in February. When true inspiration roams back into your life, it is the writer's high par excellence.

Still, there is no escaping doubt. No matter what I'm writing, how easily the words are flowing, or how excited I am about a WIP (work-in-progress), at some point in the process of creating the first draft, the niggling voice of self-defeat will creep in. Great authors have commented on the fact that it is blissfully easy to create a first chapter, especially if you feel really confident that it's good, and murderous torture to write a second. The better the first chapter was, the harder it is to live up to throughout the work, and it is at about the time that you finish that first installment that the Greek chorus grinds into its opening chords: "Who is going to read this, anyway? It'll never get published, no matter how good it is, so why should I bother finishing it?"

In those moments, I find that nothing helps but the work itself. As many famous writers have insisted to aspirants, Write! For the love of God, write! Take questions like readership and particularly publishers out of the equation, or you are doomed before you begin. And when you feel discouraged, write more and write harder. If I type myself through that "slough of despond," I come out the other side feeling productive and refreshed. If, on the other hand, I give in to those voices for one second, I can look forward to at least a week of inertia, unable to write so much as a phone message and sinking ever deeper into a well of self-loathing.

There's a sidebar on this blog that is my public accountability, naked and utterly exposed before the world, of whether or not I have been writing and therefore mentally thriving. Every day that one of the page or word counts on that bar jumps has officially been a good day. The second that I hear my self-talk become laden with thoughts such as, "Oh, what's the point?" I immediately scream out my mantra in my head.

For the love of God, write! Now!

Finding Security as a Writer

Join us here!

As those of you who've read recent posts will know, it's been a profoundly and unexpectedly productive fortnight for me as an author, in this case limited almost exclusively to poetry. In the past two weeks, the journal I devoted to poetry back in July 2013 has gone from having about six occupants, to being a nearly finished chapbook. This truly descended on me out of nowhere. Moreover, I only vaguely knew what a chapbook was last week; serendipitously, I met a fellow struggling poet who clued me in, I began doing some digging on-line, I found several independent publishing houses that look like a promising fit, and I'm now shaping this poetry journal with an eye to publication. I submitted one poem to a magazine a few days ago, just dipping my toe back into the waters of potential rejection letters, and I don't know if my little chapbook will find a home once it's finished, but I'm going to put it out there and see if a firm claims it for their own. It feels so good to be writing again!

P.S. A few of the poems from my growing chapbook can be found on my new poetry blog, Trapped Outside the Body. Please go check them out and leave me comments on what you think!

A Quick Look at My Current Report Card

Greetings, loyal supporters and wonderful cheering section!

As the more observant of you may already have noticed, there is a new element in the left sidebar of this blog, my "WIP (Work in Progress) Report."  It's just a little text box, nothing too fancy, but now that I have confessed that I'm in the midst of writing a novel, I decided I would keep you updated on my progress.  Through all of your encouraging words and even the occasional, "Stop obsessing and just write, already!", I managed to commit chapter 3 to the page last night.  I'm not feeling as confident about how it turned out as I was about the first two chapters, but that's what editing and re-writes are for, right?  At least I sat down and actually wrote, which for me is always the really difficult battle.

So, just wanted to let you know that you can follow my progress through the novel, as I will be updating the progress tracker whenever there's actually some to report!  All votes of confidence will be gratefully accepted, as I have a serious confidence deficiency disorder some days.  Here's wishing you brilliant success with all your WIPs!

Introducing The Insecure Writers' Support Group

Dear Readers, many of you who have been following The Beauty of Eclecticism for any length of time know that I am an aspiring writer--isn't virtually every book blogger you've ever heard of? However, I haven't mentioned any writing attempts or projects here for quite some time, partly because my life kind of went into the crapper for several months due to health issues, and I haven't felt like writing.  But that's not really how writing works; writers don't control the situation.  Writing does.  This mythical, ethereal power that takes hold of my brain any time I hear something that makes me think, "Ooo! THAT would make an interesting plot!", doesn't care if I'm sick, healthy, sleepy, perky--nothing changes the compelling drive to write.

And so, I will confess that I am, indeed, currently working on a novel.  It is a project that takes me well outside my comfort zone, a way to work through some mental gymnastics that my brain has been performing for some months now, to sort out my views on a controversial topic.  (I prefer not to go into greater detail at present.)  The good news is that I've made it past the dreaded second chapter; I'm sure I'm not the only writer who has stacks of brilliant first chapters lying about my house, that never got their second chapter or any other chapters at all.  The bad news is that I'm now staring down the barrel of chapter 3, and this is where the self-doubts really begin to settle in.  "Why am I bothering? Do I honestly think someone other than me will ever want to read this? I don't even have a literary agent yet; how am I ever going to work up the courage to start approaching them? How I dread the long, hard slog of finding one that is a good fit, IF I ever do!"  A whole spate of really unhelpful thought processes like that come along, and then here I sit, procrastinating about writing chapter 3 because it feels like it will be an exhausting and perhaps pointless exercise.  I even know what I want it to say!  But the act of transferring it from my brain, through my finger tips, to the computer screen as text just feels so daunting.

Am I speaking anybody else's language?  I can't possibly be the only wannabe writer who gets trapped in this death-spiral of unproductivity.  The only answer I've found is:

1. Wait until the SuperToddler is in bed for the night.
2. Put on music that I know is conducive, rather than distracting.
3. Start typing, and don't stop until I've said what I need to say.
4. Give a deep sigh, and make myself NOT start on the next chapter while I'm "on a roll," or I'll only burn myself out.

All of this is why I have decided to start participating in Alex Cavanaugh's "Insecure Writers' Support Group," and this is my first official post as a member.  The very existence of such a weekly group demonstrates very clearly that I'm NOT alone in these problems, and that in itself can sometimes be enough to get me to my Checklist of Challenges.  Wish me luck!  I certainly wish all of you a continuous flow of brilliant words.