December 02, 2011

5 Tired Minutes

Another Friday.  My gosh, I was just enjoying the post-Thanskgiving, overfed haze of having my husband off work practically all week a second ago, wasn't I?  And now Thanksgiving was over a week ago, and Christmas is barrelling toward me at a furious pace.  But, this IS another Friday, and it's time once again for 5-Minute Friday, a weekly meme of The Gypsy Mama, in which I pause from the rest of life and write, unscripted, without "repetition, hesitation or deviation," for a solid 5 minutes.  The prompt word for this week is "Tired."  It's very apt just at this moment.  It's almost 1:00 AM, I've been doing blog work for hours, and this is the last task of a day that has already ended before I can vegetate for a while and then get some sleep.  So I'm tired, and in that apropos spirit, I begin at 12:45.

I have always hated the *BLARING* sound of an alarm clock with a poweful, burning, seething, all-consuming passion.  When I was a little girl--and even into my teenage years--I would sometimes be mercifully woken up by my father, who knew I hated the alarm, and would give me the dignity of being awakened by a gentle voice and a loving embrace instead.  I would lean on his shoulder, still half-asleep, until he insisted that it was time for me to begin the day's preparations for school.

I don't think I ever REALLY knew tired until I experienced depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (which often go hand-in-hand).  Everything felt like a monstrous chore, an overwhelming task--I wanted to go back to bed just thinking about getting up, showering and going out to face the world.  And in those moments of preternatural tiredness, I thought to myself, "Am I just broken beyond repair?"

Photo by Eric Hill
But in perfect tiredness comes perfect peace.  The ability to rest on the Father's shoulder and just admit to myself that I have nothing under control and "He's got the whole world in His hands," including me.  I'm tired.  Bone-weary, heart-sick tired.  Of funerals.  Of illnesses.  Of emergencies.  Of disasters.  But when I'm that utterly spent, I'm also in the perfect place to follow Corrie ten Boom's life-changing advice--"Don't wrestle.  Just nestle."


  1. I love this, "But when I'm that utterly spent, I'm also in the perfect place to follow Corrie ten Boom's life-changing advice--"Don't wrestle. Just nestle." How perfect a sentiment that is... praying for you in this moment that you may enjoy and experience the fullness of this season, without the strain and struggle....

  2. It's amazing how many levels the term "tired" can apply to, isn't it? I enjoyed your post. Your closing quote was so fitting. I certainly need that reminder on a regular basis, sometimes moment by moment. Thank you for sharing :)


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